Scars tell a story, that’s what I told myself at least. I kept having to remind myself that the valley is only dry for a few days. Until days became weeks and weeks turned to months. I was afraid that my life had dried up and there was no water left to keep me from cracking.
I couldn’t decide if that was my depression talking or if it was simply me. It’s hard to decipher which is which once you’re in that state of mind. It’s a constant game you are playing with the devil and yourself.
What was challenging became overwhelming; what was sad felt unbearable and what felt joyful was pleasureless.
Friends? Yeah of course I had them. I’ve always been the person to have options, lets be real. When it came down to it and people said “I’m here for you” or I was sitting next to someone who I knew I could talk to.. I felt alone. I had options and people I could of easily picked up or turned around to say “Hey, Can you talk?” but the ego in me was too high for anyone to see that I was struggling with such an illness. I wish I would of known that keeping my emotions in only made it worse. I can say that I still have a problem with this today.. I’m working on it.
“I'll never be the one to ask for help.. It’s just not me”
A quote from yours truly. I have to decide if I'm going to have friendships that I want to stick.. I have to open up. So I choose, right now; to open up when I want to close down. To remind myself that being alone isn’t an option anymore. To make sure that I am constantly reminded that I can easily fall into a dark trap without getting any help… I can’t get help if no one knows.
My main reason for writing this blog is to tell you that tomorrow will be better than today and June may be harder than May. That’s depression. It’s a challenge but I know that YOU and ME can overcome and fight it… It’s been done and it WILL be done.
So when you’re feeling alone or possibly the same things I felt/still feel.. It’s time to open up. The people in your daily life, will love you even if you bug them at 3am. So let’s take a stand in believing that we aren’t a burden anymore. I know I deserve happiness and I know you do too.